March Always Takes Me Back - Part 4

I was prepped with an IV so that the nurses could use petocin to speed up the delivery. They also put a monitor on the baby's scalp to keep a close tab on how he was managing. 2 hours later everything started moving fast. The baby was there ready to be born and I wasn't yet in the right location.

I had to be wheeled in my bed to the operating room that was right next to the Newborn ICU. As soon as we got there I knew it was time. The doctors weren't quite ready for the delivery but that little guy was right there, not waiting for anyone.

With one little push he was all the way out and THANKFULLY I heard him cry. But that was it as they rushed my new little baby through a window that connected the operating room to the NICU.

The emotion of that whole quick moment overwhelmed me. I was grateful our baby was here, thankful to have heard him cry, but sad too because my husband had missed the whole thing. He was required to put scrubs on before he was allowed in the operating/delivery room and because everything happened so fast, he missed it.


We got to see our tiny 3lb 10oz baby a few hours later. And then later that night we got to hold him. He was so tiny I wasn't sure how to hold him. A few days later I had to leave my baby behind as I checked out of the hospital. Both my husband and I cried as we made our way back home.

The next four weeks seemed to last forever as I adjusted to being back home and then leaving daily to visit our new little boy. Everyday we would go to the hospital, scrub and sign in, see what progress he was making and then hold our son.

When I was at home I would crave his newborn smell and wish that he could be here at home with us. His brothers weren't even allowed to go in the NICU. They saw their newest brother for the first time through the thick pane of a hospital nursery window. And they couldn't hold him until he was home with us at 4 weeks old.

During my stay in the hospital and the month that followed I often asked myself, "What am I supposed to be learning from all of this?". I didn't have the answers then but over the years I have realized that this whole experience has taught me a lot.

I learned patience, acceptance, and how to be truly grateful for all that I have been given. I learned compassion and empathy. And I learned first had that our experiences in this life be it good or bad may challenge us, but they also help us to become the person our Father in Heaven knows that we can be.

And for that I am thankful.