First Day of School

The first day of school, and generally the first week,
is always so exciting.
And then pretty much all the days after that are well,
routine and mundane.

But after a summer of no set schedules and lots of play,
it is also a welcome change.

 

No one knows if this will be a great school year or if they will encounter problems along the way but one thing is for sure, before school starts each child receives a special blessing from Dad and that can make all the difference in the world.  I know because I remember.  So thankful for the Priesthood and those who hold it in my home!

REMEMBERING

to have JOY in the JOURNEY.

That is what we talked about at my Relief Society Meeting tonight.  And I thought to myself I have heard (and repeated) that saying a lot.  But what does that really mean?

It was said tonight that we shouted for JOY in the heavens when The Plan was revealed to us, in fact we read about that in the scriptures.  However, it was suggested that when we were told about the plan and coming to earth we knew it wasn't going to be easy.  That there would be many challenges we would face and have to deal with yet we CHOSE to come anyway.

It reminded me so much of something that was said to me late last summer when my good friend past away suddenly leaving behind a husband and young family.  And it went something along the lines of... she knew.  Before she came to earth she knew what she would experience and that she would pass away at a young age leaving young children behind, but she agreed to that and came anyway.

And I think to myself.  Would I?  Knowing all that I have already gone through, the anguish I am feeling now, and those things yet to come-would I agree and come anyway.  I guess I did.  So why?  Why would I do that?

I am learning that it is because my spiritual growth and knowledge can happen in no other way

and for me

because the JOY outweighs the pain and sorrow.

I would rather live through the Journey, come what may, than not to have the sweet experience of doing so. 

This is ME.

I have to laugh because I found an article that sounds a lot like me.
Wouldn't you agree honey?

ME

Enjoy.

6 FALLish Things Making Me Smile

1 Ms. M always wanting to wear her RED SPARKLY SHOES-even if they don't go with what she is wearing!  Wonder who she is going to be for halloween.

2 A HALLOWEEN countdown project that consumed way too much money and time, but none-the-less the little kids are enjoying it.  Notice we have already begun to countdown the days, yet it is still unfinished-it needs a title and there are 31 days in October not 30.

 3 This TOOTHLESS smile and the little man that goes along with it.

4  The BEAUTIFUL fall colors that make this time of year so amazing to behold.

 

5 The backyard garden that did really well this year.  We grew tomatoes, cantaloupe, watermelon and of course pumpkins-this pumpkin is the biggest one we have EVER grown.

6 And finally the opportunity I have (multiple times a week) to go watch my favorite sport being played by my favorite people.

 #3 that's my girl out there who doesn't always follow the ball because she gets distracted by the grass.

 #21 that is my competitive boy who is learning and growing and loving his new team.

Goalie-I don't know his number because he spends most of his time wearing a goalie shirt, but I have enjoyed watching him become involved with soccer again.

Gone

8 years ago we moved away from one of the best experiences of my life.

We were living in Sacramento, CA and my husband had just accepted a job in Utah, where we were both born and raised and where we decided to return to be close to family.

A job with the State of California had originally brought us out to Sacramento 3 years earlier.  I didn't want to go on this adventure of moving 600+ miles away from family because I was scared.  But I have to admit that it felt right at the time.  So we moved to California with two young children where I was able to be a full-time stay@home mom for the first time.

I am not a very out going person so I knew that getting to know new people would be a challenge for me.  But what I found in Sacramento were some of the best friends that I have ever had in my life.  I so desperately needed them and was so thankful for their acceptance, love and influence.  


Today I found out that one of those friends is gone.  Passed away suddenly, not sure what from.

My heart aches.  My mind is questioning why.  My eyes keep filling up with tears.

I had been thinking about her lately and was going to contact her, but I didn't.  Now I won't get that chance, at least in this life.  It is so easy now with fb and email to just send a little "thinking of you" note but I will regret not doing it now for the rest of my earth life.

It is so easy to switch positions with her in my mind but it is imaginably hard to comprehend how her husband and kids are coping.  I don't want to think of her as gone, I would much rather imagine her playing or teaching her four young kids, or tending to her amazing garden or sitting down and reading a good book, or talking with me at Friday club, or during the early morning walks we used to take together.  

Her friendship meant so much to me.  I wish I had done a better job of telling her so.   Love you Kendra-I know someday I will see you again!  May God bless and watch over your family.

Mothering Little Soccer People

I got my annual Mother's Day picture with my kids.  My- they are growing.  How do you stop that from happening?

I am not sure I love celebrating Mother's Day.  I like recognizing those Mothers in my life that have been so so good to me, but I often spend time thinking about all the mistakes I make as a mother and it makes me sad.  Sad because I know I can't take those moments back but at the same time grateful my children are so forgiving.  And that I can pray for forgiveness and for help to be and do better-to make it right.

I also think about how being a Mother is a blessing in my life.  I think about how amazing and crazy it can be all at the same time.  I am thankful my Heavenly Father had enough trust in me to bless me with such an awesome responsibility.  Even if it does get a little crazy. 

Our spring soccer season has come to an end.  Except for that one boy who I never got a picture of and who is playing for a different league and still has one more game to go.

Bubba did better this year than last year, but he still spent most of his time out on the field in a different world from the actual soccer game going on around him.  We need to figure out what it is that he will really enjoy and be a part of.  Not sure what that is yet, but we have a pretty good idea that it is NOT soccer.

After a leave of absence for 5 + years from the game of soccer, T decided he wanted to play again.  He was part of a team that had more girls on it than boys which was kinda interesting since the majority of them didn't really like attacking the ball.  But I think he enjoyed seeing what he could actually do out on the field.  He will be playing again.

Then there is the youngest in her athletic debut.  She really struggled at first with so many kids huddled together pushing and going for the ball at the same time.  She figured out that if she stayed out of the "mosh pit" the ball would pop out and should could take advantage of that to kick it.  But Miss M also thought of game time as a social event and could be seen socializing with her new friends.

This fall we will be signing them up (even the one that I didn't get a picture of) with a different soccer club that is a little better organized and more professionally run.  I hope it goes well because I really like watching them learn to love a game that I enjoyed so much as a child and even now one that I love to watch.

Halloween 2011

Halloween was disappointing for me this year.

Usually, I really enjoy HALLOWEEN but due to some unforeseen circumstances my Halloween didn't go according to plan.

I have certain expectations for Halloween day or the days leading up to it. Things like carving pumpkins (we even grew our own pumpkins this year), getting a good and/or fun dinner in their tummies before tricks or treats, and getting a group picture and pictures done before dark.

Needless to say NONE of these things happened on Halloween night and it was disappointing, to me. The kids still enjoyed Halloween, just as it came and went. In fact, this year the older three all went out with friends and really enjoyed their time trick-or-treating. So with that in mind I will share with you what pictures I did get.

Garmadon (a character from Ninjago)


Savage Opress (some Star Wars character)


A Princess


and Napoleon Dynamite (my personal favorite).

And missing from this group is the Nerd, who I didn't even get a picture of. Maybe next year I will do a better job organizing my time, or not have so many unexpected things happening or maybe I will just lower my expectations!

Young Men

Yesterday was a celebration of sorts.

We celebrated these two boys, or maybe I should say Young Men, because that is what they are now. How did I become a mother to two young men? When did they transform into young men from boys. How can I keep them from getting so old that they leave my home and begin their own journey in life?

These are the questions to which I have NO answers. I only know that time goes by much faster than I anticipated it would. Especially in these last few years.

One is now officially old enough to attend youth dances ( a fave of mine at that age) and is in well control of his own future by the wise choices he is making and goals he is accomplishing.

The other is now officially old enough to hold the priesthood. A big responsibility and honorable calling in and of itself. He still seems to be in his own world most of the time but I do see him starting to blossom out of it from time to time and I am grateful for the different perspective of living in this world that he shows me.

They are both very different from each other. They share a fondness of LEGOS and a last name but that is about where the similarities end. I am trying to enjoy what is unique about each of them and trying to show my love for them in the way they are most likely to hear it. Which of course is a completely different style for each too.

I love my boys, I mean young men, and was priviledged to honor their request of Ice Cream Cakes (another fave of mine) for this celebration. YUM.

Happy Birthday!

A Celebration

We celebrated our little girl's third year with us.
I cannot believe she is growing up so much.
I thought she was my baby.

Lots of presents were given - fit for a "princess",
and some non-traditional desserts were devoured like
a yummy fruit pizza and this creation that was a big hit.

I guess we will have to do it all again next year
but I would rather not.

I don't want her to grow up anymore.

A Few Things That Have Been On My Mind...

I am incredibly blessed to be able to spend my days at home with my children.


I love feeling physically strong when I leave the gym.


I am so THANKFUL for friends who stop in for dinner and a visit when they are passing through Utah. (Thanks Amrine Family, we miss living just around the corner from you.)


I need a new attitude for my church calling.


I am soooooo ready for warmer spring weather, especially since the kids get out of school in a couple of weeks.

Mid-Wash

This is what you get when you are in the middle of washing dishes,
and your 2-year old tugs on you and says
"Hold You"

Everything is put on hold,
just to hold my child,
that won't stay little for long
and won't be asking to be held for much longer.

The dishes CAN wait.
I will try again in the morning.

Halloween Scene

As much as I like this time of year,
I am glad we are done with the Halloween Scene.
It really isn't just one day around here,
It starts with the kids figuring out what they will be
And ends with candy and candy wrappers all over the house.

Plus, at our house we throw in a Birthday before Halloween
And a Birthday after.
It makes for a couple of crazy weeks.

So here is a taste of the madness.

Wednesday - Well I already blogged about that day here.
Thursday - You can read about that here.
Friday - In the morning we attended the elementary school Halloween Parade and in the evening a ward Halloween Dinner and Carnival.
Saturday - First we went to a soccer game. Then we made a few costume adjustments and at 6:00pm while it was pouring outside I tried to take pictures of our Halloween Characters. Half hour later when the rain stopped, the trick or treating began.
Sunday - In sharing time we had a few Dads dress up as the prophets from the "Follow the Prophets" song and they talked about who they were and the primary sang to them. Nothing to do with Halloween but it felt a little like it with all the dressing up. Anyway, later that evening we had a family birthday party for my two oldest boys. So we made mummy pizzas, and cookies that looked like spiders and witches' hats.
Monday - I had to help prepare payroll taxes because like Halloween they come around this time of year too.
Tuesday - We tried to celebrate the birth day of my now teenage son. You can read more of that in my next post.


Anyway, needless to say I am glad
That the Halloween Scene at our house is over.
As I take down the Halloween Decor,
My four-year old proclaims to me again and again,
"Halloween is NOT over!!" -everyday is Halloween to him.
I know that I will look forward to doing all this again next year
When October comes around.

5 Things Making Me Smile...

1 - This little cutie calling me Mama Mia.
2 - The smell of Autumn in the air.
3 - Clearing out the house from too much stuff.
4 - A lot of items checked off the Primary to-do list.
5 - An upcoming trip out west to visit a few GREAT friends.

Sisters Then and Now

20 Years Ago
this was my role in our family.

I was a big sister to six siblings
but with these two youngest sisters,
(and the brother who was between them),
it was almost as if I played their mother at times.

Times have changed, although only recently.

Over the past week we have all been living under the same roof again.
The youngest is living with us for the summer
and our other sister brought her young family up from California
to visit us for a few days.

It has been wonderful for me.

This has been the first time that I have looked upon these two
not just as younger sisters to take care of and look after
but as real friends.

I have seen in other families
and have often admired sisters that are just that,
best friends that spend a lot of time together,
share personal triumphs and heartaches
but I have never experienced that for myself.

We stayed up a couple of nights into the wee hours of the morning
just talking and sharing and laughing,
and I could not help but think I want more.

I wish we could all be in the same place,
raising our families in the same city,
sharing on a weekly basis the highs and lows
or what works and what doesn't.

But it is not that way.
And it will probably never be.
Nonetheless, I do hope for more reunions in the future
where we can pick up from where we left off and
just be friends and sisters.

Beautiful For Me

I was shown this the other day
and now I can't stop playing it over and over.

I love the words
I love her voice
I LOVE this song.

And I love that it is tied to Veggie Tales.
My kids have enjoyed watching Veggie Tales for a long time.
And so have I.

Decisions

Today I had my "yearly" appointment with my OBGYN
and everything checked out fine,
everything except my emotions that is.

As my doctor and I began talking
my eyes started to tear up
and I had a hard time controlling my emotions.
Why? Why was I so emotional?
We were discussing birth control (bc).

I have been on bc for a long time,
and off of it when we felt it was time to have another little one in our family.
But today we were discussing more permanent bc.

Permanent as in no more would I be able to feel the kicking and rolling of a little growing baby inside of me. Permanent as in no more family anticipation on if the baby is a boy or a girl and who the baby would look like. Permanent as in me not having the priviledge of going through the pain and the relief (thanks to modern medicine) of labor and that amazing moment of the baby being born.

Of course this also includes no more morning sickness, no more not being able to find clothes that fit, no more endless question about the baby and its arrival. However, these "no mores" always seem to me to have been completely worth the end result.

I knew before hand that I was going to be talking to my doctor about this subject but I was caught of guard by the amount of uncertainty I still have about it.

In my mind this all makes sense.
Logically I am done having children because at times I feel so overwhelmed by what I have already been blessed with. Physically I am done because I am not in good shape and I am feeling my age. Financially I am done because we just cannot afford another child. And then there is the issue of it being a joint decision.

But all this just doesn't seem to make sense to my heart.

Talking about it makes it all seem so PERMANENT and FINAL.
And yet I know it is not.

I don't know if I will ever be ready to fully commit to saying YES, I am done having children because that is a part of my life I just don't want to let go of.
At least for now.